When Helen’s parents, Joan and Stan, became ill more than a decade apart, she found herself stepping into one of the most meaningful and challenging roles of her life: caring for each of them at home, supported by Hospice West Auckland.
“It was when my dad got sick in 2002,” Helen remembers. “He had liver cancer and there was nothing more the doctors could do. Dad was very pragmatic; he just said, ‘If you can’t make me better, I just want to go.’”
Through their GP, the family was connected with Hospice. “There was this one man who was Hospice’s Spiritual Advisor,” she recalls. “My dad wasn’t religious at all, but this guy was wonderful with him – they just clicked. My dad didn’t take to people easily, but he loved this man. It was amazing.”
Although Stan’s illness progressed quickly, the all-too-brief Hospice connection left a lasting impression. “Mum was his main carer at the time, and it was really good for her to have that support too,” says Helen. “Even though our time with Hospice was short, it was very special.”
Caring for Mum at Home
Eleven years later, Helen’s mother Joan was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. “From the start we knew she wasn’t going to recover,” Helen says. “Mum wanted to stay at home, so I moved in to look after her. I became her primary caregiver.”
This time, Hospice West Auckland played a major role in helping Helen, her sister Barbara and her mum manage day-to-day life. “There was a lot of hands-on care – medication, catheters, equipment, mobility issues – and the nurses were just fantastic. They were always there at the end of the phone,” she recalls. “If I had to go out and my sister was unavailable, they even arranged for someone to come and sit with Mum. That was such a relief.”
One of the most treasured parts of that time was the creative arts therapy Hospice provided. “Mum was quite artistic, like me,” Helen smiles. “A Creative Arts Therapist came to the house so Mum could paint. She loved that. She didn’t want to go to the hospice building because it reminded her too much of Dad’s illness, but she was really happy to have people come to her.”
As Joan’s illness progressed, the Hospice Nurses became an anchor of practical and emotional support. “They were marvellous,” Helen says. “They told us what was going to happen and what to look out for. We had no idea what to expect – it was terrifying – but they guided us through every step.”
Helen particularly appreciated their calm, straightforward approach. “I really liked their ‘matter-of-factness’. The last thing we needed was someone to come in and be emotional. They told us what we needed to do and how to do it. When everything feels overwhelming, that kind of practicality is exactly what you need.”
Finding Strength and Support
In the final days, Helen says, “I remember thinking, I just can’t do this anymore. I was so afraid Mum might be in pain and I wouldn’t know. But the nurses were wonderful, they monitored everything and reassured me.”
She describes the experience as both heartbreaking and profoundly meaningful. “I was proud that I could do that for Mum,” Helen reflects. “But my sister and I couldn’t have done it on our own. We really needed the support around us to make it possible. Hospice made that happen.”
After Joan’s death, Helen stayed in touch with Hospice West Auckland and later visited Hospice House in person. “It wasn’t what I expected at all,” she says. “It was such a positive, warm place. I remember thinking, I wish Mum had seen this. She might have felt less alone, being around others going through the same thing.”
Giving Back
Helen has now chosen to include Hospice West Auckland in her will. “When I started thinking about my will, Hospice were the first people on my list,” she says simply. “At a time in your life when you need support the most, they’re just there – at no cost, no fuss, just there when you need them. There’s no better cause than helping someone else get that same care.”
She hopes her story will encourage others to see Hospice care in a new light. “Everybody deserves that support, no matter who you are or where you’re from,” she says. “For me, Hospice care was an amazingly positive experience, and something I’ll always be grateful for.”
Leaving a gift in your will
A gift to Hospice West Auckland helps ensure future families receive the same compassionate, free care that meant so much to Helen and her parents. To learn more about how easy it is to include a gift in your will, visit www.hwa.org.nz/support-us/leave-a-gift-in-your-will/ or contact our Fundraising team on (09) 834 9752 for a confidential conversation.
